The TruthShe's losing controlShe's losing her hopeShe's losing it all.She fears darknessShe fears her nightmaresShe fears herself.She hates painShe hates the liesShe hates herself.She's faking smilesShe's faking her laughShe's faking it all.She's so full of hateShe's so full of angerShe's so full of sorrowShe's so full of liesShe's so full of fear.She is me.
6. BreakHold it together.Be strong.Smile! That's what I always think.When the truth is,I've already broken.I'm weak.Smiling isn't always so easy.I stay up,Fearing the nightmares sleep will bring,But wanting so much to escape reality.I look at myself,Say "I'm beautiful the way I am"Then want to starve myself,Switch faces with someone else,Because I hate my appearance.I question myself.I fear myself.I deny having something wrong with me.I'm not holding together very well.The way I act strong,Makes me weak.My smile is broken.I will not seek help.This is what happens whenYou ignore the truth for too longAnd finally Break.
9. CutPlease stop.Those scars on your arms,I hate them.They reflect so much pain.I love you.You're not alone.Please.Heal.I want to do itBut I'm too scared,Too paranoid.Does that make me worseThan just being able to do it?Is my anxiety too much?I can't feel much.That's why my fingers and lipsAlways bleed,Always hurt,But there's no scars.Am I a fake?Please.Get better.Please.So I can stopFeeling guilty.Please.So that I can stopWanting to do it myself.Please.Stop hurting yourself.It reminds me ofEverything bad.It hurts me.Please...
ParanoiaIt feels like they Watch her.It feels like all of them Don't love her back.It feels like everyone else Wants to take her belongings,Along with her thoughts.It feels like they Talk smack about her behind her back.The shadows in her room? They are going to attack her.The nosies that surround her? They are monsters coming for her.But where can she run to?The world is just too dark;It's falling apart.And it's taking her with it.
12.InsanityIs thisInsanity?When my mindArgues with itselfAll the time?Calling me fatThenCalling me beautiful.Telling me to eatThenTelling me I can't.Saying I shouldn't do thisThenSaying I have to.Is thisInsanity?The banteringThat goes onIn my head?I can't escape it.I put my handsOver my earsAnd want to scream.Is thisInsanity?Knowing that something's wrongBut still doing itAnd not finding help.Is thisInsanity?When my head is screaming,Contradicting,And controllingMy actions?Is thisInsanity?The wayAna takes over my mind,The wayPain relieves me?Tell me,Is thisInsanity,In which I live,Real?
InvisibleHe thinks he's invisible.He doesn't seem to know it,But I see him every day,I look out for him.It may seemA bit stalkerish,Which is not at allMy intention,But if I don't look out for himWho will?He's always alone,Always looking down,As if he'sNothing.He throws awayAll of his writings.I picked one up one dayAnd it brought tearsTo my eyes.He has a beautiful wayWith wordsThat he doesn't seemTo enjoy using.I want to help him,I want to save him,I want to understand him.I want to show himAll that this WorldHas to offer.Maybe then,He'd open up,And make friendsAnd no longer be alone.I walk over to himA grin on my faceWith my eyes showing nothingBut concern.I touch his shoulder lightlyAnd he looks up at meWith eyes so sadI want to cryAnd let him knowThat he's not alone.But I have to stay strongFor him.I smile warmlyAnd talk with himAll day.A few timesA hint of a grinShows upBut never stays.I promise toTalk to him moreDay after dayAnd his ey
87.HungerMy stomach growls.My stomach tells me to eat.My friends tell me to eat.I want to eat.My brain says no.My brain yells at me.Myself tells me I'm fat.I don't want to eat.My stomach is an empty pit.I usually eat so muchBut not now.My hunger doesn'tControl me anymore.Eating makes me feel sick.I have fallen into the pattern.Again.I need foodBut it feels unwelcome.I'm fallingAgain.Hunger is all I feelAgain.
75.MirrorI hate mirrors.RarelyDo I look in oneAnd not think"Your belly is gross.""Your face is ugly."RarelyDo I think"Wow, you're so pretty.""Wow, you have a good figure."My mind has argumentsWith itself.The mirror makes them worse.My belly seems to bulge out.My face seems even more hideous.Nothing is rightIn the mirror.It turns me intoMy own worst enemy.As if I needed anymoreHelp feeling like that.I want to break every single mirror.All they ever doIs tell everyone that they'reNot beautiful,Not skinny enough,And slowly kills them. Stay away from mirrors.
17.BloodI bite,I pull,I tear,At my lipsAnd my fingertips.The blood pools,It stings,But it coolsMy thoughts.I hurt myselfIn a wayEveryday.I only prayThat it does notGet worseOnly betterJust as I wishFor you.The blood I seeAnd tasteDoesn't bother meAs much as it used to.It comforts meWhich scares me.This isn't howIt's supposed to be.The pain staysEven as I sit hereAnd type thisBecause,They still sting,The fresh ones.Because,Even without the scars,I hurt myselfAnd what I feel thenIs real.
Cowards Way OutDid you really think,That taking the cowards way out,Would prove anything,Except all of our worst fears?Did you even think,About the ones that you have now?And the pain that you'd bring,If you were to leave them all here...?Do you really think,You're life is just so horribly unbearable,That you need to take this knife,And do something you know is terrible?!How many times,Have I told you it isn't worth it?How selfish of you,To expect your life to be picture perfect.
I want to give up...i want to give upleave this world for goodlosing hoping in everythingand nothing is getting betterI want to give upand forget about everythingi just want to leaveand never returnI want to forgeti want to give upjust leaveand never return anymoreNo hope in my lifenothing is getting betteri just want to cry my heart outand give up alreadyThe pain inside mewont go awayi want to leave for goodand disappear into the darknessNo end to my miseryi will just give upleave this world for goodlike i was never existed
ColdIt's so cold..Too coldI'm scared..Does it kill me?Can it freeze my heart?But..I have no heart..It's goneYou took itIt's gone..I'm gone..It's so cold, 'cause......I'm already dead.
ChoicesHer strength is growing thinFeels like she'll never winIt's a loosing battleOne that will forever leave her rattledHer tired eyes..Merely a slipping disguiseShe's outta breath,Flirting with deathHand on a razor..Wishing somebody would save her.She has two choices:Give into the voices,Or find lightIn her darkest plight
RealIt feels weirdMy face breakingInto a fragmented smileI'm out of practiceBut this is RealMy burden has been lifted(at least temporarily)I can breath nowMaybe laterI'll try onAn out-of-tune laughMay sound rustyBut it will be RealI'm finally startingto feel Real
InkInk bleeds from my woundsMy razor my penI write these wordsFrom which dead trees swaying in the windAnd rotting flower pedals that float in the breeze flow fromI bleed till my heart beats no more wordsAnd my last words will beHelp me
The 5 Sensescan you see the tearsthat run down my faceto fall in with the rest of my life?the rumorsbased on shitthe haterswho hurt me every single daywith the little commentscan you hear me sobat night, over you?How much I wish that I could understandWhat is wanted of meI'm so youngAnd I feel so very unworthyMaybe I amCan you feel the dropletsThat fall onto windowpanesOutside of your room?They are the worlds hurtAnd they show that we can only live so longWe should help when we canCan you smell the flowersThat I got for you?They made a rainbowUntil I thought it would be to muchI over think everythingBecause I want to please youAnd I don't think that I canCan you taste the world?I know that i canPerhaps we can taste the worldTogether
Fallen AngelHis blood gushes over Hell's pain filled stonesAccompanied by the sound of his tortured moansHe is in agony too much to be borneSoon he will crack, with no one to mournYet in the midst of his torment he still adoresThe she-devil watching him writhe on Hell's cold floorHer eyes are cold, her mouth is cruelShe has no pity for the lovelorn foolShe is obviously too far abovePetty emotions- compassion or loveShe looks so beautiful as she aims the knifeWhich ends his misery and takes his lifeQuickly she discards himAnd rises to Earth to find another victimShe is the master at coy seductionShe flutters her eyelashes, and causes a volcanic eruptionShe is an expert at human manifestationHer human disguise makes any man drool in anticipationShe finds pleasure in degrading her preyHumiliating them in every single wayNobody can refuse her charmsAll men dream of being in her armsThey follow her like lambs to the slaughterThis siren, this harpy, Satan's daughter.
PerfectDon't ever sayYou're not good enough. You made me fall in love with you,Didn't you?
I pretendI pretend......to laugh....that nothing is wrong....to smile....that I'm fine....to be able take just about anything....that nothing bothers me.But to be honest inside of me......I'm really crying....almost everything is wrong....I can't help but tear up....I'm slowly dying....I can't handle most thing's.... almost everything bothers me.
Not SatisfiedBlood on my wrists. Tears in my eyes. Can't you tell I'm not satisfied?
This One's For YouDedicated to the boyWho scribbled all over the book of my heart,Then tore out the pages one by one.
StargazingAs I lay under the stars alone tonightI shed a single tearBecause you may not, but I certainly rememberWhen you promised you'd be here.
NumbWho ever said that painis preferable to being numb?What's the pointof knowing that you're still alive,if all you ever think ofis when the misery will end?If all that your heart desires,and all you really need,is everything and anythingthat shall forever remainjust out of reach?I would give nearly anything,for even just a whileto trade this inescapable painfor being numb.
UnwantedUnwantedHere I stand before youWith feelings I can't undoFloundering at the thoughtAs it all comes to naughtNot hidden by the shadowIt's banished by the glowOf your radient perfectionYou're immune to my affectionOf you I am in aweA beauty without flawSurrounding a soul so pureBut of me you're unsureI'm not up to scratchYou want a better matchSomeone who makes the gradeSomeone who can serenadeMy face forces you awayNo matter the words I sayThat's why you don't want meI'm hideous, painful to seeIt's why you reject my heartHow it's tearing me apartCursed by this pathetic frameA body, a face only for shameEvery mirror just makes me sadHow'd I end up looking so badA useless total waste of spaceTrapped with an unwanted faceWhy won't I accept the truthThat scarred my empty youthThis ruined wall of skinBelying what dies withinSlowly I am rotting insideWith this shape I cannot hideBeing consumed by the painOne by one, my hopes are slainHere I stand in front
So Close, Yet So FarAn arms length apartWe stand from each otherBut it feels like moreThe silence hangsLike a stormy cloudOn a rainy daySo close togetherYet so far apartMy heart is ladenYou take a step awayEveryday we're togetherUntil you're goneReaching out blindlyGrabbing for youPulling you into my armsWe grow apartThe more we're togetherBut the more we're togetherThe closer we become
Remember?Remember that night,I yelled at you thatI was done cutting.That I had finally gotten what I wanted.Scars.And how now I was done.Under my clothes were fresh cuts,Less than a few hours old.I wish I hadn't lied.I wish I trusted you.I wish I didn't need scars.
AddictionI hurt so muchI wish I wasn't so scaredOr so easily won overI wish I didn't have trust issuesBut can you blame me?People say they are there for youBut if you show them how you really areOr even give them a tiny peekThey freak on youOr take steps away from youIts hardThey make me feel like such a freakI try not to be so negativeI try my best to be understanding of othersBut never to myselfI'm not much of a fan of myselfWhy would I be?I'm nothing but a compulsive liarAll I want is attentionAnd I try to hide away the painI'm nothing but a pathetic excuse of an addictAddict to various substancesAn addict to self mutilationSuch an obsession over what I place in my mouthGod, I can't stand myself in the mirrorI nearly vomit at the sight of myselfBut than again who wouldn'tI'm only an empty shell trying to find her place
Not OkayI will lieEven as you look me in the eyeAnd everydayI will say"I'm fine"And take these feelings of mineAnd bury them so deep insideNo one will know where they hide.